Sometimes you meet someone and know right from the start that you want to spend your whole life without them.
Roses are infrared
Violets are infrared
I’m hunting you for sport
And soon you’ll be dead
-a valentine from the Predator
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I own a Delorean but I only drive it from time to time.
GOD: Sharp pincers
CRAB: Thats dope
GOD: Hard shell
CRAB: Hell ya
GOD: Delicious legs lmao
Everybody thinks “The Social Network” is the best movie about forming a new startup, but they are wrong. The best movie is “Ghostbusters”.
So there’s a legend that in 1593, a soldier in Manila teleported to Mexico and I’ve never felt so connected to the lengths someone will go to for tacos.
When my son was 7 he pissed me off so badly I pressed all the elevator buttons knowing every new rider would blame him.
-How are you feeling?
-Any side effects from the medication?
*cries tears of fire*
-Now that you mention it…
You’re a guy, therefore you can’t “hehehehe”.
Boy never ceases to amaze me
My dog crosses her paws regally while lying on the floor, like she didn’t just eat the contents of the bathroom trash can.