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@LuckyPetDeals: RT if you know someone like this!!!
@TheMichaelRock: "It's pronounced Jeff"
"Whatever you say, Goff"
@WilliamAder: I prefer to think in terms of "good" cholesterol and "misunderstood" cholesterol.
@goldengateblond: Me: I look great today
Fluorescent lights: I can fix that.
@_davidlucas_: *Takes gift wrapping paper to the counter*
Her: Did you want to buy that?
Me: No, I just wanted to hold it for a while.
@Weird_Rash: Free hugs*
* having me let go will cost $10