RT if you know someone like this!!!

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My google search history is just 12 different incorrect spellings of the word “restaurant.”


one time a girl told me she listens to “anything but country” so i played pterodactyl noises on on full volume the whole way to Ruby Tuesday


[final debate]
TRUMP: I’d like to apologize to hillary
HILLARY: umm ok
TRUMP: I brought a gift *hands her a galaxy note 7*


Hey whatcha eating?
“A pluot”
Wtf is a pluot?
“A cross between a plum & an apricot”
That’s really stupid.
*rides off on a liger*


Chef: What kind of bread would you like? We have wheat, rye, white…

Me: Black bread.

Chef: We don’t have that.

Me: Racist.


BUT WHY THE HELL is it called BUG spray not disINSECTant

*Walmart worker who I have in a headlock in aisle 4* Sir please stop I don’t know


when my daughter is mad she points at me and delivers what I can only assume is a gypsy curse


I get all my cardio by crying when someone calls me maโ€™am at the gym.