When it’s ok to bother me before my morning coffee:
1- I’m on fire
2- You’re on fire
3- The coffee maker is on fire
4- Something had frickin’ well better be on fire
*runs away from it all*
*grabs phone charger*
*runs away from it all again*
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UFO with fake moustache: “Nah, it was probably one of them optical gases or something”
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“Hello, Pizza Hut”
Hi, how many slices are on a large pizza?
And a medium?
*long pause* I’d like to speak with your manager
Oh rental car. Oh rental car. Your gas tank is not on the side I thought.
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me: can’t i’m at an office party
her: ur self-employed
me: and having a great time
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IKEA Manager: “My pleasure. Have a seat”
(Sees nothing but a pile of finished wood, quarter inch screws, and an allen wrench)
Manager *starts timer*
Sorry I wrote “All dogs matter” on your “I ?? my Weimaraner” bumper sticker.