*Indian sending smoke signals* Buffalo… Coming… *other Indian replies* New… Fire… Who… Dis?
Russia has just renewed a longstanding contract with Hollywood to play the bad guys in all international spy thrillers for another 60 years.
You Might Also Like
Of all the bands named after handicapped jungle animals, Def Leppard is my favorite.
Convince neighbours you’re shrinking by walking past their window with progressively larger jars of hellmann’s mayonnaise.
? 12 drummers drumming
? 11 pipers piping
? 10 lords a leaping
? 9 ladies dancing
? 8 maids a milking
? 7 swans a swimming
? 6 geese a laying
I would rather have a 100 poisonous spiders dumped on my naked body than a second date.
Me: So that’s a no?
If you’re offended by anything on my TL, whatever you do, do not look at the rest of the internet.
WIFE: Hey why are all our potatoes dressed in tiny outfits and arranged in a little scene?
ME: [hiding Photato Album] Why? Do you like it?
This morning I fixed the Keurig by violently shaking it upside down and suddenly all the other kitchen appliances started working correctly.
Had a dream that someone was gently rubbing my forehead with sandpaper. Woke up to find my cat gently rubbing my forehead with sandpaper.
There are 5 things I really hate:
2) People who can’t spell.
4) Whyte people