@MazMHussain

Said it before but someone needs to start a rumor that Muslims don’t eat donuts so that people will start sending those to the mosque.

You Might Also Like

@david8hughes

The plumber came to fix the toilet & said, “Where is the water main?” so I turned on the tap & said, “Right here, main.”

@ianpauldukes

“Give a man a fish. Don’t ask why just do it.”
— if your boss wrote proverbs

@pilau

interviewer: can you use word

me: buddy [putting hand on his shoulder] I can use a lot of words

@bourgeoisalien

Not to brag, but I have one of those metabolisms that I can eat anything I want and still get fat

@TimfromDa70s

I refuse to use the self-checkout isle at a store. What I will do is occasionally post up at the exit and ask to check shoppers receipts. If I’m gonna work at your store for free, I’m picking my own position.

@TheReal_AndyMac

“You ruined everything.”

-People exaggerating when you only ruined like one or two things, tops

@EJGomez

God: ok u can make one human that’s it

Satan: how do u feel about toupees & the name Donald

@adamgreattweet

If I ever get murdered, I want two white women with a podcast to solve it in their free time

@

a:1:{s:7:”retweet”;i:1;}