Sandra the orangutang started washing her hands because she saw all the zookeepers doing it repeatedly during the COVID-19 crisis.
Wash your hands.
Be more like Sandra.🌎❤️🧼🌎
You Might Also Like
barbie: how many barbies are you seeing ken??
ken:
barbie: *flips over plastic pizza saver table*
There’s a cat curled up on my pillow, and I’d probably be a lot more cool with that if I actually owned a cat.
“When i bump into an old friend, but we can’t remember our names”
Share your cheese puns. Only the Gouda stuff, not de Brie.
I loved him with a fervor I normally reserved for carrot cake.
That.
Why’s it called recanting your testimony and not deleting your account?
No, you’re not getting it your honor
Me: before we have kids let’s see if we can keep this plant ali-
Wife: plant’s dead.
Me: ok no problem a plant isn’t a child, besides it’s not like we’re pregnant ye-
Wife: i’m pregnant.
Me: this is fine.
mob boss: stick his body in the compost pile
me: wha
mob boss (grabbing my collar intently): we might be killers, but u only got one earth
Alice: *falls into the rabbit hole*
White Rabbit: WROOOOOONG HOOOOOOOLE
“Don’t forget Romans and countrymen!”
When I hear the phrase “Freudian slip” I immediately imagine Sigmund in a revealing, yet tasteful nightgown. That can’t be healthy.
What’s a good wedding gift that says “Congratulations!” but also subtly says “I really liked your first wife better”?
ME: what are those little bugs hovering around the basket of grapes?
GUY: fruit flies I think
ME: *rolls eyes* no it doesn’t, doug
Dr. Seuss would have CRUSHED it on 8 Mile.
“40 times.”
“What are you talking about?”
“That’s how much greater my sense of smell is than yours.”
“Okay, so what’s your point?”
“My point is, Dave, we really need to discuss your personal hygiene.”
“what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” oh it’s ok you can just kill me next time
Newborn babies implies there are oldborn babies and honestly that’s terrifying
I’d roll around in garbage with you. Not the garbage from the bathroom though, that’s gross, but the good stuff that comes from the kitchen.
Everybody: Pink starbursts are the best starbursts
Starburst Corporate: What I’m hearing is that the bag should be half yellow starbursts
I saw a guy walking 4 dogs this morning and thought, Wow!.. That guy must be really blind.
Ice cream is clearly God’s way of telling us he likes us a little bit chubby.
There was a pretty girl in the produce section so to impress her I bought a mango
I have decided to stop exercising and just learn Photoshop.
4-year-old: Tell me a scary story!
Me: One time little people popped out of your mom and they never stopped asking questions.
4: Why?
If my husband doesn’t like my cooking, he can buy his meth somewhere else.
it’s so beautiful today i think i’ll take my ps5 outside
Not saying it’s hot, but I’m slow-cooking a meatloaf in the back seat of my car so dinner will be ready when I get home.
If I could live vicariously through someone, I would pick someone who gets to sleep through the night.
If anyone is still on Facebook, please check on my parents.