@Home_Halfway
@JediGigi
I don’t mean to brag but I’m pretty lonely for a girl with an extensive action figure collection AND a fear of rocking chairs.
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@JediGigi
@junejuly12
*gleefully prepares egg salad sandwiches for milestone birthday party of office nemesis*
@GrantTanaka
Facebook Mom: OMG I can’t believe my kid is a high schooler now
Me: me too, he was quite stupid
@shariv67
When villainy didn’t pay anymore, The Riddler got a job writing furniture assembly instructions for IKEA.
@DaddyJew
Date: you’ve already made me laugh, you can do no wrong
Me: challenge accepted.
@SJKSalisbury
Thankfully I haven’t had to go out and panic buy any food as I’ve been saving some plums in my icebox for this very occasion.
@blade_funner
My washer broke so if anybody needs me I’ll be down by the river beating my underwear with a rock.
@UncleDuke1969
*quits cold turkey*
*looks for ’emotionally available’ turkey*
@themorris23
Donald Trump always looks like he’s just opened a really hot oven.
@Tmoney68
Me: This has been the worst day. Nothing can fix this.
*dog climbs on sofa, puts head in my lap*
M: I have never been happier in my life.