Professor: most of you won’t pass this course
Me: cool so you’re like, Real shitty at your job
Saw Little Women. Totally misleading title. They stayed normal-sized the whole time. 2 stars.
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Pre-diction: Baby’s first words will be garbled.
4: Mommy, you’re just like a Disney movie. We should play pretend.
Me: Aww! Sure!
4:You can be the Beast.
4: Or the fat sea witch!
I use proper syntax and punctuation on all of my tweets, unless I am in danger of exceeding the 140 character limit…
& then u no how it b
Sober me will always have your back.Drunk me will convince you to get a tattoo of a unicorn doing a dolphin over a rainbow on your back.
Don’t change, I hate you just the way you are.
My son has the worst altitude ever. He’s defiant, rude and floating like six feet off the ground.
My ex bf called me today. I answered by screaming “HOW ARE YOU STILL ALIVE?!?!” and hung up.
Should make him wonder a lil bit.
Him: I’d take a bullet for you
Me: I’ll allow it.