@DumbConfessions: Saying "excape "makes me wanna stab you in the "exophagus".
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@Manda_like_wine: I walked up to my 9yo and said, "How goes it?" He looks up at me and says, "God is history's greatest serial killer."
@TheCiscoKidder: Wife: Go out for breakfast? Me: Sure! Wife: Ok, let me shower first. *showers, dresses & puts on makeup* Me: Where should we have lunch?
@_davidlucas_: I hate people who hold grudges, but not as much as I hate my high school German teacher.