@hazelmotes1: My wife is all, "we love each other so much we finish each other's sentences," until it comes to a prison sentence.

@ugh: men: women are very hard to read women: actually, we just want- men: such complex creatures women: if u just liste- men: so mysterious

@Jerrypleasure: [desert] wife: my water's broke me: *parched* oh thank god

@AnOrangeSNES: Photosynthesis is the process used by plants to convert a picture into a thousand words

@omerwahaj: Year 2142: Meat eaters have died out. Vegans survive. 2143: Everyone is dead b/c the vegans couldn't tell anyone else that they were vegan.