Scar: Long live the king!
*lets Mufasa fall*
Mufasa: *while falling* Simba, this is totally your fault for being the woooooorst–
You Might Also Like
COPS: WE’RE COMIN IN
“have a police dog?”
“only the dog can come in”
“my house, my rules”
COP: I guess that’s true
[knocks on widow’s door]
Me: my condolences. Your husband was a good man with a wonderful set of golf clubs that he won’t be needing anymore
My horoscope said I will soon find the man of my dreams. I thought, “I’ve been married 25yrs,” then I thought, “But I’ll keep an open mind.”
Her: I want you to dress up as your biggest fear this year.
Me: Ok, but how do I make a costume out of you finding my unlocked phone?
Her: HELP I’M ON FIRE!!
ME: *slow drag on cigarette* Technically, the fire is on you.
Him: Tell me something interesting about yourself.
Me: If my head got run over by a truck, it would explode like a watermelon.
I once saw a road sign that said, “Slow Down, Small Children at Play” but then it occurred to me that I’m not afraid of small children
Sometimes I wish you could ask the pharmacist to “make it a double”.
‘You probably need to pee soon, huh?’
~The monster under my bed