If I found out I only had a week to live, and could go anywhere in the world, I think I’d go to the hospital because that sounds serious.
Scientists named an aurora STEVE and y’all just let it happen.
You Might Also Like
kissing is all fun and games until a boy inhales your skeleton through your mouth & uses it to build a house for some other girl
mugger: give me your money
me: what service do u provide
mugger: i uh..hmm. i mug
me: how much do u charge
mugger: …all. all ur money
me: be honest with yourself.
[Maroon 4 meeting]
Adam Levine: “Our band name sucks”
Drummer that no one knows the name of: “let’s think bigger”
Adam: “I’ve got it”
ME: Table for 7 please
ME: 7-p-m. Just me
WAITER: Okay that makes more sense
*At my future wedding* “Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband”
Me to the groupchat: omg do I say yes or is that desperate
“Dad, you called me my brother’s name.”
I’m sorry *30 second pause* little dude.
“Do you want to have fun but also get more mad than you’ve ever been in your life?” – video games
I don’t want to brag but I have a really nice bum. Found him under the bridge.
1,000 years after civilization falls alien archeologists will discover a single cell from the animating of sponge bob and assume that’s what life was like. So we have that going for us