You Might Also Like
Husband enters vasectomy room
Nurse: You sure about this?
*I enter, wearing xmas leggings & milk stained top*
N: The dr. will be right in
Nothing confuses me more than an angry stoner.
I #respectfully #trot when you let me cross the street in front of you. I salute the #power of the automobile.
Pro tip: when a cop asks you to step out of the car, don’t reply with “I’m too drunk, you get in.”
Where are you going?
You know you can just buy ice at the store right?
“No I mean th…”
Or just freeze some water even…
if you boil a funny bone it becomes a laughing stock
no, I’m not sorry
[1st time doing the sex]
her: wanna get on top
me: uh, sure
me: [from the roof] are u…are u coming up
Fun fact: they used acronyms back in colonial times too but DOS meant Dead of Smallpox and LMFAO meant Lost My Farm and Outbuildings
YALL FEMALES ARE THE DEVIL