Dudes named Chance never had one.
*Seductively forgets you*
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-Your house is amazing. Why are u renting this cheap?
-It’s haunted by a low level demon
Demon: Wow I’m right here that is like so hurtful
Im half scotch.
And i dont mean scottish.
Hi 911, I’d like to report a drunk naked guy blasting off truck nuts w/ a shotgun. Time of incident? [takes drink] In about 20 minutes lol
It’s not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn’t have the balls to do it
You and I share a very special connection.
*I’m parked outside your house using your Wi-fi.
Save your voice calling for your kids. Just open a bag of chips and they’ll materialize out of nowhere.
If you’re behind someone at an ATM at night, let them know you’re not a threat by gently kissing their neck.
*never calls toe again*
Just dropped a butcher knife in the kitchen and apparently I can fly now. So that’s cool.