Serious question, are there beef songs in other genres? If so please send. I know Mexican cartels got songs about people they killed. But to me, if the other person already dead, that ain’t beef, That’s just journalism.
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Imagine your card gets declined at Hogwarts and you have to go to public wizarding school
Boy George: Do You Really Want To Hurt Me?
2020: Haha you have no idea.
Waiter: And what would you like sir?
Me: I’d like the entire restaurant to stop gasping every time I say something.
Entire restaurant: *gasps*
my kid was complaining she’s bored so I found her a tutorial on mining Bitcoin.
Plot twist
*Where do YOU see ME in 5 years..
My ex is selling the vehicle I lost my virginity in. I really loved that skateboard.
Me: Quitters never prosper.
12-year-old: What about people who quit drugs?
I’m out of wisdom for today.
TT: At sunday dinner I like to perform an impromptu puppet show with the roast chicken. This week it’s my interpretation of Die Hard 2.
“Some people say I’m an animal in the sack.” – baby kangaroo
Don’t date a Canadian woman unless you’re willing to plow her…..
Driveway when it snows
Priest: I now pronounce you man and wife
Me: why? “you” has literally none of those sounds
My bride: I changed my mind I want a divorce
I told my family we’re gonna axe some of our 5 streaming services, and my teens looked at me like I was some kind of murderer.
replaced my gf’s couch with a trampoline and man she hit the roof
Both of my boys are heading back to college, leaving me alone to defend the thermostat against my wife and daughters.
It’s weird how horses can run so fast but still suck at every other sport.
They say someone in the US is bitten by a shark 19 times a year.
Poor guy.
Beware of fowl play.
*standing in front of my girlfriend’s house, holding up boombox above my head* HEY CAN UR DAD FIX THIS FOR ME
I told 9 to eat the ice cream straight out of the container, because I’m teaching her basic life skills.
me: this cat is kissing me on the lips because it LOVES me
cat: mother’s lips taste perpetually of bacon
when my bf tells me i’m cute but i’ve just woken up and i’m grumpy
Before I had a kid I thought, god, I wish I could say “please put your shoes on” 17,000 times every morning.
My dreams have come true.
[at symphony concert]
*marimba part begins*
Me: *takes out iPhone* Hello?
*jingles half the way*
Parents: Are you eating well at school?
Me: Totally
*Eats sugary cereal for every meal from the dining hall*
I do the same thing every other woman my age does in the shower. Argue with people in my head.
Don’t let the British accent fool you. I’m not saying anything smart
