@LoveNLunchmeat
@neerjagurnani
Got paired with a classmate for a Criminal law Project, so I guess now we’re partners in crime.
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@neerjagurnani
@ThatsSarcasm
*Picking up my kid from school in 20 years* Me: Yo shawty leggo. Kid: Please no. Me: Stop hating YOLO. Kid: You’re embarrassing. Me: Swag.
@seamusmckracken
I just know I will die trying to pet something I shouldn’t.
@AbbyHasIssues
Me at home: Why isn’t there more kindness in the world?
Me while driving: I hate every single person on this planet.
@BritXMeh
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice and you’re a Nigerian prince who needs my bank details.
If you’re reading this Adewale, call me?
@MarfSalvador
interviewer: please, sit down
me: thank you
interviewer: not on my lap
@c12h22o11balls
Doctor: Exactly how long have you been incontinent
Me: *pooping my pants* I’ve actually never left North America doc
@DrakeGatsby
Snake: Oh shit it’s a wolf we gotta run
Armadillo: Go on without me
Snake: no just-
Armadillo: @
Snake: Wait where the hell are you
Armadillo: @
@MikeBigby
Actually Jesus wasn’t the carpenter, Joseph was. You’re thinking of the Carpenter’s Monster
@LurkAtHomeMom
My son asked what it was like to be a parent so I begged him to make me chicken nuggets and then held on to his leg so he couldn’t move.