My mom ran over my imaginary friend, Stephanie. I never told my mom because deep down I wanted Stephanie out of my life.
*Sets fire to city*
Pppffttt… More like the Roman em-pyre…
-Attila the Pun
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Buying a smart car seems like a good idea until you hit a squirrel and flip over a few times.
I don’t know why so many people blame their air conditioning for their inability to spell.
When everyone is getting off the zoom call but you’re struggling to find the leave meeting button so then it’s just you and the host
You say drug dealer.
I say astute, urban entrepreneur embracing the booming chemical escapism market.
In Scooby Doo, 2021 they’re not allowed to remove the mask at the end
SCIENTIST: dont be stressed! some rocks becom diamonds under extreme pressure
ME: wat about the other rocks
SCIENTIST: oh they turn to dust
If he stars all your photos that means he’s leaving his wife for you, right?
Q: If everyone jumped off a cliff, would you?
A: I don’t know. If everyone used the same hypothetical question to demonstrate a point, would you?
American Horror Story: