I’ve watched Dancing With The Stars with my wife all season and she just asked who I think should win. Quick! Someone tell me who’s on it!
Shades by Gucci, shirt by Dolce&Gabbana, face by Douchebag.
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Remember they’re just as afraid of seeing you dance as you are of dancing.
Axl Rose: You know where you are? You’re in the jungle, baby
Tarzan: yeah but why are you here.
4 out of 5 dentists agree u should not be going to 5 diferent dentists. it is important to have one dentist who knows ur dental history
My bra as colander, catching stray food since age 15.
Dear Electric Company,
You’re welcome. Go buy yourself something special.
-My family, every summer.
Text exchange: me- we need eggs. hub- how many? Me- One. See if they will sell you just one.
Me five minutes ago: I’m not sure what the United Kingdom is
Me now: very good result in Newcastle Central, bodes poorly for the Tories
Just read that the average woman goes on 7 diets in her lifetime and I was like “wtf” because I’ve been on 7 diets since lunch.