Have kids first so that you know whether or not you can keep a dog alive
She wears short skirts
I eat pizza
She’s cheer captain
And I’m still eating pizza
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The thing that’s wrong with oatmeal raisin cookies is that they’re oatmeal raisin cookies.
*Catches the dead body at the wedding*
Can someone who is good with computers help me out? I keep running out of storage space for some reason
I understand cicadas because I too go out once every 17 years & just wanna scream the whole time.
My grandparents worked hard to make sure their kids had everything and I’m working hard and not having kids to make sure I keep everything.
Squirrel Hell and Dog Heaven are the same place
“As first lady you would be responsible for the White House china. Any thoughts?”
MELANIA TRUMP: Oh, Donald says he’s getting rid of China
10: What’s it like being a grown up?
Me [hands her money]: When we get to the movies, buy a large popcorn.
10: This is only $2