@Dawn_M_: Not all dogs go to heaven because I just saw two dogs having sex and dogs can't get married. Hope you both enjoy hell.

@samdunsiger: ME: There's something fishy going on here. YOU: It's just an aquarium. ME: Exactly.

@SardonicTart: How many times should you try starting your snowblower before you realize it's not going to start? According to my neighbor it's 458 times.

@XplodingUnicorn: I made my 4-year-old sit at the table till she finished her lunch It took her 3 hours She was so excited to be done Then I served dinner.

@Amusitr0n: No toilet paper. My training kicks in. I barrel roll under the stall & onto the lap of the person in the next stall. I did not plan for this