@Sassafrantz
As a mom, I know nothing good happens after you hear one of your kids yell “JOHN CENA!!”
@ruinedpicnic
*shipwrecked diary*
Day 1: alone, doing well. Mentally sound. Met a crab
Day 2: crab seems untrustworthy
Day 3: CRA B LEAR N ING TO WRI TE
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@Sassafrantz
@3sunzzz
I’m not saying I’m not physically fit, I’m just saying I went to yoga once and they had to call the paramedics.
@LOsepyan
Ever wonder how the guy who discovered milk had to explain what he was doing to the cow?
@DannyZuker
Daughter is acting so rude I’m not sure she’s even mine. Think my wife may have cheated on me with YouTube’s comments section.
@StevieKnip
What idiot called them dog tags instead of collar ID
@JJSummertime
My turd eating dog just spit out something I cooked if anyone wants to come to dinner.
@ValeeGrrl
7yo: Let’s not talk ALL day today
6yo: Ok!
Me: *holy shit yessss*
7yo: LET’S ONLY WHISTLE AND CLAP INSTEAD
Me: Right. Of course.
@topherjordan
First, there was Planking, then Owling and Milking, now there’s Harlem Shaking. If the next trend could be Thinking, that would be great.
@shariv67
My phone autocorrected killed to kilt. Well plaid, phone. Well plaid.
@bridger_w
Does anyone want a free microwave? Contact me. We can talk about how we both want a free microwave