As a mom, I know nothing good happens after you hear one of your kids yell “JOHN CENA!!”
Day 1: alone, doing well. Mentally sound. Met a crab
Day 2: crab seems untrustworthy
Day 3: CRA B LEAR N ING TO WRI TE
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I’m not saying I’m not physically fit, I’m just saying I went to yoga once and they had to call the paramedics.
Ever wonder how the guy who discovered milk had to explain what he was doing to the cow?
Daughter is acting so rude I’m not sure she’s even mine. Think my wife may have cheated on me with YouTube’s comments section.
What idiot called them dog tags instead of collar ID
My turd eating dog just spit out something I cooked if anyone wants to come to dinner.
7yo: Let’s not talk ALL day today
Me: *holy shit yessss*
7yo: LET’S ONLY WHISTLE AND CLAP INSTEAD
Me: Right. Of course.
First, there was Planking, then Owling and Milking, now there’s Harlem Shaking. If the next trend could be Thinking, that would be great.
My phone autocorrected killed to kilt. Well plaid, phone. Well plaid.
Does anyone want a free microwave? Contact me. We can talk about how we both want a free microwave