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@KalvinMacleod: Shout out to my kids.
BECAUSE SHOUTING IS THE ONLY WAY THEY HEAR ME.
@corinnemlwsw: My coat is so covered with dog fur that someone's probably going to throw red paint on me at some point today.
@stephenjmolloy: Ian: "I baked you a pie to say sorry for backing over your cat in my car."
Tim: "You did what?!"
Ian: "Baked you a pie."
@elunatyk: My favorite part of Easter is when, after dinner, the whole family gets together and reads letters about how my drinking has affected them.
@MikeCanRant: *accidentally deletes a tweet*
@geowizzacist: House for sale. Spider on ceiling.