her: well don’t just stand there, say something
me: they should make paintbrushes that look like bob ross
her: i said i’m pregnant matt
me: his hair could be the brush part
Shoutout to my Cold War reenactment group! We’re just a bunch of chill white guys, sitting at a table, acting stressed about the USSR.
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Me: can it wait till tomorrow?
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MESSENGER: sire, a peasant named humpty dumpty fell off a wall
KING: send all my horses and men to put him back together
QUEEN: should we not just send a doctor
KING: no send all the horses and men
ADVISOR: my liege, the castle will be defenseless
KING: all of them i said
barbecue implies the existence of a carolecue and possibly a debecue
there’s an app for that
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