Drunks will undercook grilled chicken every single time.
Friends don’t let friends get drunk and grill chicken.
Sick of obnoxious ring tones in the office, so I’ve set mine to the sound of a girl screaming (horror movie style).
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Fred realized too late that he should have bought a fresh sheet for his toga, when he walked into the black light party.
Watermelon: because I like to chew flavored water.
Sign says World’s Largest Ravioli. “Where’s the filling?” people ask exploring its vast interior. The sound of boiling water grows to a roar
*finally touches toes*
WOMAN ON BUS: Stop touching my feet, creep.
You could probably master Mandarin while waiting on the last bit of laundry detergent to drizzle into the cap.
I could tell my parents truly loved me as a child. My bath toys were a toaster, radio and a blow dyer.
This pandemic has prompted a lot of questions like, “Who is at the most risk” and “Is it airborne” and “Has my wife always chewed that loudly?”
I’m a female historian who specializes in war atrocities, check out my blog “The War Atrocity Babe”