[At the Grand Canyon]
I L o v e T h i s P l a c e
GC: Let’s just be friends
Since the summer Olympics got postponed a year, that means I still have time to master ribbon gymnastics.
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I always assume people with red cars were drunk when they went to the dealership.
Watch my hands when I say “latitude” or “longitude.” It’s as much for my benefit as yours.
God: you’re a pack animal.
Wolf: what does that mean?
God: it means you live with other wolves.
Wolf: like all the time?
Wolf: d-do I have to?
Wolf: [slides $20 across table].
God: [pockets money] you’re a lone wolf.
Wolf: yay : )
9: How old was I when I was 3?
me *grabs hammer* *smashes college fund jar*
“If I write something completely creepy under a girl’s Facebook photo, maybe it WON’T be creepy if I end it with ‘lol.'”
three things we don’t talk about
Student Teacher: okay class, who knows what an oxymoron is
Kid: you’re an oxymoron
Student Teacher: well yes technically that is correct
WHAT’S WITH THE MIXED SIGNALS DUDE? YOU TURN THE LIGHTS OFF & MOVE IN CLOSE BUT WHEN I KISS YOU YOURE LIKE WHOA IM JUST DOING YOUR EYE EXAM?
I don’t know if you really meant to Like Ebola on Facebook, 8,000 people