@CruisinSoozan

Since the summer Olympics got postponed a year, that means I still have time to master ribbon gymnastics.

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@007Pepe_Rex

[At the Grand Canyon]

Me:

I L o v e T h i s P l a c e

[ECHO]

[ECHO]

GC: Let’s just be friends

@Ty_Schutz

I always assume people with red cars were drunk when they went to the dealership.

@HatfieldAnne

Watch my hands when I say “latitude” or “longitude.” It’s as much for my benefit as yours.

@NewDadNotes

God: you’re a pack animal.

Wolf: what does that mean?

God: it means you live with other wolves.

Wolf: like all the time?

God: yep!

Wolf: d-do I have to?

God:

Wolf:

God:

Wolf: [slides $20 across table].

God: [pockets money] you’re a lone wolf.

Wolf: yay : )

@iwearaonesie

9: How old was I when I was 3?
me *grabs hammer* *smashes college fund jar*

@trevso_electric

“If I write something completely creepy under a girl’s Facebook photo, maybe it WON’T be creepy if I end it with ‘lol.'”
-guy logic

@fro_vo

Student Teacher: okay class, who knows what an oxymoron is
Kid: you’re an oxymoron
Student Teacher: well yes technically that is correct

@bombsydoll

WHAT’S WITH THE MIXED SIGNALS DUDE? YOU TURN THE LIGHTS OFF & MOVE IN CLOSE BUT WHEN I KISS YOU YOURE LIKE WHOA IM JUST DOING YOUR EYE EXAM?