@Concertina81: I will straight up walk into traffic to avoid a kid selling something.

@ArielSElias: Romantic comedies gave me unrealistic expectations about finding work at a magazine.

@CornOnTheGoblin: [at the vet with my cat] cat: meow me: i know, that's why i brought you here

@KyleMcDowell86: I always keep a shotgun under my bed in case a horse sneaks in and breaks his leg

@GashleyMadison: [Takes dog to park] *waits for romantic comedy to begin