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@Brentweets: "Sir you can't bring a whole cake into a movie theater"
"What if I cut it in half?"
@CArmanthegirl: Me: these edibles are shit
(30 minutes later)
I’m gonna play Jenga with these Oreos
@Tmoney68: I scream, you scream, this funeral just got more interesting.
@dafloydsta: [job interview]
"Tell me one of your long term goals"
"No, I meant-"
*leans in way too close* My answer isn't going to change
@maxlavergne: TIP: if ur worried about the airworthiness of the plane you're on offer it a chip. If it eats it you're on a seagull. Disembark immediately
@EyeSeeYou619: [country music plays in elevator]
ME: I hate Toby Keith
HIM: This isn't Toby Keith
ME:(leans into his face) I don't give a shit who this is