the hardest part about boxing is not falling in love with your opponent when he hugs you
*Smashes the Sony
*Destroys the Panasonic
*Pummels the Kenwood
*Rips apart the Pioneer
~breaking all stereotypes
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*high fives my laptop right off the desk*
nurse: how do u rate ur pain
me: it’s a thumbs down
me: would not recommend
Auto correct is my worst enema.
The inventor of Gogurt has died. He would like you to open his urn along the dotted line and splatter half the ashes all over your shirt.
Sitting on the porch late one night. A fox steals up and settles quietly next to me. Pearl divers don’t hold their breath as long as I do.
-Harry Potter before tuning his enemies into guacamole
I just tried to start my car with my phone. You should know that my car has a keyless ignition. I’m pretty.
I know it sounds mean but when I’m mad at my wife and want to lash out, I do laundry “my way”.