@mrjohntofu
@BriarSlyMalice
Not now brain…
…this is a job for stupidity.
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@BriarSlyMalice
@GloriaFallon123
I wish catalog models could do one pose with bad posture, looking awkward and self-conscious, so I’d know how the outfit would look on me
@tennisonok
Me: can I buy you a drink?
Girl: no
Me: *looking at bank account* you’re right
@4SLars
I just paid $37 for some homemade vanilla tapioca pudding on the Dark Web.
@causticbob
Really Google Autocomplete? You honestly think I want to search for “hardcore poem”?
@MooseAllain
While he was probing my mouth my dentist asked if I was doing anything nice this weekend and now he thinks I’m going to park a car far from a large bar in Armagh.
@jbillinson
Biden: “Guess who just upper-decked the toilet outside the Oval Office?”
Obama: “Dammit Joe, I have to live here for two more months”
@TheHyyyype
me: damn, can’t use the gps, my phone is dead
friend: it’s cool, we have a map
me: nice, we can find a place to charge my phone
@Carbosly
I turned on my computer and it went “Word” and I was like “Yo”.
@TheClifBob
I wore a mask to run errands today
Accidentally robbed a bank