Not now brain…
…this is a job for stupidity.
Smoke alarm batteries only die between 2 and 4 a.m.
I don’t make the rules.
You Might Also Like
I wish catalog models could do one pose with bad posture, looking awkward and self-conscious, so I’d know how the outfit would look on me
Me: can I buy you a drink?
Me: *looking at bank account* you’re right
I just paid $37 for some homemade vanilla tapioca pudding on the Dark Web.
Really Google Autocomplete? You honestly think I want to search for “hardcore poem”?
While he was probing my mouth my dentist asked if I was doing anything nice this weekend and now he thinks I’m going to park a car far from a large bar in Armagh.
Biden: “Guess who just upper-decked the toilet outside the Oval Office?”
Obama: “Dammit Joe, I have to live here for two more months”
me: damn, can’t use the gps, my phone is dead
friend: it’s cool, we have a map
me: nice, we can find a place to charge my phone
I turned on my computer and it went “Word” and I was like “Yo”.
I wore a mask to run errands today
Accidentally robbed a bank