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@818Newbie: Snakes are refusing to fly on Boeing Max planes.
@ThugRaccoons: *pronounces woah like Noah*
@backporchlady: Asking me if I want a bag for the box of tampons I just bought is like asking me if they're for here or to go.
@theshantilly: Him: "What should I pick up for the storm?"
"I meant essentials. We could be stranded."
"Ohhhhhh. Then nachos AND vodka."
@onion_an: [1st day as judge]
Murderer: [waves at me]
Me [waves back]: He seems nice
Lawyer: He killed six people
Me: He probably didn't mean it