DONT YOU DARE TELL ME WHAT I CAN AND CANNOT DO I HAVE A OUIJA BOARD FOR THAT
Sneaking up on me from behind while I’m doing dishes is a super fun way to get yourself stabbed with a steak knife
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2020 has really changed me, but not completely. For example, I haven’t showered in 3 days, but I still silently judge stinky people
I have been reporting moms on Facebook who brag about how perfect their lives are as fake news.
Every chef on Chopped’s like “I was medically dead for 3 yrs & my wife married the guy who pushed me off that bridge. My specialty is bao.”
Jehovah’s Witnesses will do anything to talk to you, including your dishes and laundry
I hate when I’m in line for the bathroom and someone asks if I’m in line, like I look like a dude who just waits outside of bathrooms.
It’s like 10 thousand spoons when all you need is a chainsaw.
-Come on, it’s time to go
-We are going to be late
-I hate school
-But Mum, you have to take me!
Thank you for saying, “I’m just being honest” after that horrible thing you just said. I feel better now that I know you meant it.
Nailed it! #Tekken #King #cosplay