*Snowman wakes up in hospital*

“What happened to me?!”

Snow Doctor: Don’t worry you’re fine. But… what did you think a snow blower did?

You Might Also Like


Toy Story is totally unrealistic! I’ve never once won a prize at that stupid claw game.


[coffee shop]

ME: [hanging up a flyer for my band]

CUTE GIRL: Is that your band?

ME: No it’s a flyer


Anything you say can, and will, be repeated in public

– young children


I was winning at blackjack until the pit boss offered to exchange my chips for chips and salsa.


One time, a woman admitted she was wrong, but the government covered it up.


People complain about crying babies on airplanes, but in my experience a crying pilot is worse.


One time I accidentally gave my cat acid. Thought he would really freak out but he just looked at me calmly and said meow for 10 hours.


Aliens: we want to study ur kind. take us to ur leader
Americans:(nervous)haha what um no well see here’s the thing uh now’s not a good time