Toy Story is totally unrealistic! I’ve never once won a prize at that stupid claw game.
*Snowman wakes up in hospital*
“What happened to me?!”
Snow Doctor: Don’t worry you’re fine. But… what did you think a snow blower did?
You Might Also Like
11,780 cans of beans on the wall…
ME: [hanging up a flyer for my band]
CUTE GIRL: Is that your band?
ME: No it’s a flyer
Anything you say can, and will, be repeated in public
– young children
I was winning at blackjack until the pit boss offered to exchange my chips for chips and salsa.
One time, a woman admitted she was wrong, but the government covered it up.
therapist : are you ever worried that-
People complain about crying babies on airplanes, but in my experience a crying pilot is worse.
One time I accidentally gave my cat acid. Thought he would really freak out but he just looked at me calmly and said meow for 10 hours.
Aliens: we want to study ur kind. take us to ur leader
Americans:(nervous)haha what um no well see here’s the thing uh now’s not a good time