Every once in a while someone really special walks into your life. That person is usually delivering a pizza
So, basically Alexa is just some know-it-all with no actual job skills.
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Just when you think your heart’s completely broken, it breaks a lil more.
Dear people who question why girls go to the bathroom together, Hermoine went alone and got attacked by a troll.
First time flying huh?
-Yeah how could you tell?
Just a hunch. You wanna come down to your seat? The overhead bin is typically for luggage.
cashier: paper or plastic
me: it’s a debit card
cashier: no for your milk
me: oh haha liquid’s fine
Me: Would you like to be a model?
Me: are you comfortable with nudity?
The hardest part of working out at home is seeing how much dust there is under my furniture.
Stranger: You should really cover your face w/a mask, pal.
Me: Oh, because of the virus?
Stranger: Huh? Oh, uh, yeah. Sure.
NO my kids aren’t having candy for breakfast! What kind of mom do you think I am??
We’re having leftover pizza.
time zones are so weird like, australia is already in 2018, europe still in 2017 and the US in 1950…so weird lmaoo