My superpower is choosing the one table in a restaurant next to the woman talking loudly enough that I know her entire family tree when I leave.
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My pastor insists that being gay is wrong, yet he ends all his letters with the words “In Him”
Perplexed in Poughkeepsie
By the age of 35, you should have seen off the threat of redundancy by using your control of your employer’s social media account to secure a pay increase.
Saw a guy smoking while pumping gas & at first glance thought ‘wow that’s not safe’ & at second glance thought ‘wow that guy’s on fire’
I can’t see my boyfriend during this lockdown and I’m really unhappy about it!
My husband says he doesn’t care. Rude!
me: *eating spaghetti sandwich*
carb god: *rubbing biscuit hands together* goood goood
I just got ripped to shreds by an extremely old man. I got on the elevator from the basement of my building and he got on too. I said “going up?” And he said “certainly. Can’t go down from here” old man I was trying to be polite why you gotta clown me like that
When is carotene going to get out of beta mode?
H- “So how would you describe yourself?”
Me- “Verbally but just incase I prepared a dance”..
ME: i would like to open a checking account
BANKER: would you like a savings account too?
BANKER: okay, just checking