me: ..umm [walks away]
sloth: ..oh 🙁
So I’m Calling random stores & saying “Hey It’s Michael, Screw you guys, I quit!”…. There’s got to be a Michael at one of these places…
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“I’m pretty good at not taking things personally,” she lied, after 4 hours of analyzing why he asked if she was having a bad day.
HER: [parallel parking] i’m so bad at this
HIM: you should probably get tested
HER: lol it’s not that bad
HIM: i have chlamydia
We need a marketing campaign to teach the Crayola people what “washable” means
I wonder how Jeff Bezos became the richest guy in the world.
– Me as I take 47 Amazon boxes out of the house
Your call is very important to us. So please enjoy this 40 minute flute solo.
If movies have taught me anything it’s that when someone says, “sir, you can’t be in here,” if you retort with, “no no, it’s ok,” it totally becomes ok.
2001 A Space Odyssey 2
The spaceship returns
HAL is just as uncooperative as ever.
He never works.
He becomes the basis for Windows 10.
Staying at a hotel tonight which means I get to play everyone’s favorite game: Are you smarter than a new shower?
Do you get extra points for killing two birds with another bird?