@Token_Geezer

So, when does this adulthood thing start then?

You Might Also Like

@saywhatnowthen

Days 1-4 after buying bananas: I don’t really feel like having a banana

Day 5: shit, I better eat a banana

Day 6: hello, 911, I ate 7 bananas

@ApocalypticLoFi

The only reason they’re called “jellyfish” is that ‘discarded grocery bags of death’ was considered “too wordy”.

@SabineDurrant

So touched by the kindness of my teenage son. Another lighter at the bottom of the washing machine that has been looked after for a friend.

@jlock17

I’ve stopped texting “K” and started texting “L” instead so I don’t have to reach so far over with my thumb.

@ErrenMichaels

Superman: I am an all powerful alien with only one weakness.
Batman: Is it bats? Please say bats.

@rustygunter

If okcupid is all that great, then why would you need a 3 or 6 month subscription ?

@candyflippin

friend: wait, so she really left you because of how you pronounce certain words?

me: yeah, so supposebly I pronounce it “expresso” and it makes her exspecially upset, idk

@ThisOneSayz

*picks up frog*

*kisses it*

Frog: you know I’m poisonous, right?

Me: oh thank god.

@Jake_Vig

It’s not an argument. I’m right, and you’re just saying things.