Social experiments where skinny people wear fat suits teach us to be nicer to fat people because it might be a skinny person in a fat suit.
![]()
You Might Also Like
“guilt-free treat” bro i’m eating a cookie, not on trial for murder
I’ve already had 3 people ask if I have enough wine to last me through the hurricane. Beginning to think I may have a reputation.
Since I’m not a doctor, my Indian mom is rage thanking the medical professionals
Alexa, set the neighbor’s fire alarms for 3am.
The good news is, Tony Abbott says Australia may have spotted two pieces of the plane. The bad news is, Tony Abbott says a lot of things.
Halloween costumes
Age 10: monster
Age 25: sexy fireman
Age 35: sexy mobilization to end systematic oppression of underrepresented groups
I almost accused a 10 yr old of stealing my dance moves but it turns out he just really had to go to the bathroom & didn’t know where it was
My 10yo got a “30 Days of Self-Care” calendar from school with activities she’s supposed to do each day of the month and my self-care activity is ignoring it.
JAMES CAMERON: i have the single greatest idea for a movie based on the biggest iceberg disaster in history—
ME: [exaggerated sigh] dude, no one is going to watch an entire movie about lettuce
If the virus can keep becoming a new version of itself so can you.
Them: what’s your favorite foreign film?
Me: oh definitely Star Wars
Them: ……
Me: it took place in a galaxy far, far away
Me: it’s also my favorite historical film
Boss: You’re looking a little scruffy lately, you need a trim.
Me: Sorry, I don’t shave too often because of the razor burn.
(later, shaving)
Razor: LOL you call that a beard? My grandma has more chin hair than that, you suck!
I was gonna complain about THE GODDAMN JACKHAMMERING THAT WOKE ME UP THIS AM
but it’s noon.
Took me thirty five minutes to tighten the screw in my glasses because I didn’t have my glasses on.
When a yoga class gets too challenging, I like to make up my own poses. So far I have Injured Cobra, Distrustful Dog, Wet Cat, Chalk Body Outline, and Drunk White Girl.
I saw a spider crawl under my kid’s bed and was too tired to go after it, but that’s okay, no living creature can survive that environment.
Me: Dude, back off. You’re totally scaring away all the hot guys checking me out at the gym.
H: You do realize I’m your husband, right?
Nature abhors a vacuum. And dogs. Dogs also abhor a vacuum.
Well, that should do it
![]()
I love when a pig looks like a disguised quest giving god
![]()
[spelling bee]
JUDGE: your word is “redacted”
KID: ████████
JUDGE: correct
“Are you sure?”
“I’m sure.”
“You’ve tried all of them on?”
“This one.”![]()
Note to self: I am a note
The problem with teaching a man to fish is that eventually somebody will microwave that fish in the work break room.
ME: You’re saying I’m not smart enough for this job?
BOSS: Well, yes.
ME: [points to computer] Just because I can’t use the typewriter TV?
One thing twitter has taught me is that someone, somewhere in the world is thinking exactly the same thing you are.
My husband’s sole purpose in life is to have me explain the entire plot of a TV series while I’m trying to watch the last 20 minutes.
Me: *trying to fill the void with food and booze*
Fellow Astronaut: THAT WAS 12 YEARS WORTH OF SUPPLIES!
I’d watch more Olympic figure skating if they had defense
I once spent some time with my grandson’s second grade class so I think I have a pretty good idea of how government works.