finish your salad. a thousand islands died to make that dressing.
Society: Be yourself.
Society: No not like that
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My ex-boyfriend once stood over my shoulder while I peeled an onion and told me how his mom could do it faster
I keep my fitbit in the original box same as I do my special edition Malibu Barbie.
Me: Don’t be mean to my friend.
Her: Your friend just broke in my door and almost strangled me.
Me: I said he was my friend, not yours.
Hockey is a sport where people use feet knives to walk so they can score a goal with a tiny hamburger.
Kate who dumped me at junior school now wants me to like her interior decorating Facebook page.
How the tables have turned Kate.
“where’s waldo?” is a fun book that teaches children how to properly stalk a nice man who has done nothing do deserve any of this. an indispensable resource for every young creep
If I got a dollar every time a girl said I wasn’t her type, I’d be her type.
Still can’t quite believe the World Health Organisation framed Roger Rabbit
Reports say 3 billion Yahoo accounts were hacked and suddenly 3 billion people remembered they had yahoo accounts.