I’m quitting my job to pursue my dream of quitting my job.
Sociophobia is the fear of friends.
Sociophoebea is the fear of just the ditzy one.
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Seems like Hello Kitty should be a brand of condoms.
Being a mom means saying things that shouldn’t be threatening in a very threatening manner. Like, “EAT YOUR CEREAL!” for example.
Well played, super clean sliding glass door I thought I’d left open. Well played.
If you don’t have plans tonight, head to a crowded restaurant, stand up during the meal, and say “She said yes!”. Free applause and dessert. You’re welcome.
One time I waited 30 minutes for a bakery to open to get the best birthday party cupcakes. It was a Monday. The bakery was closed on Mondays.
I think about that a lot.
When the nurse calls you to come get your kid 30 minutes after you drop her off at school, is about as Monday as it gets.
Her: I’m a vegetarian but I love a cheeseburger once in a blue moon.
Me: Cool. I’m a good person except for the occasional knife attack.
*lays head on homeless guys lap*
“You would not believe the day I had”
I’m bored. I’m going to text my ex boyfriends and say “I have to talk to you, it’s important” and then not answer the phone for 6 days.