Sociophobia is the fear of friends.

Sociophoebea is the fear of just the ditzy one.

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The neighbors left a perfectly good doll at the curb with their trash and I’ve seen enough horror movies to know to leave it there.


Anyone want to suit up in full hazmat gear and head to the grocery store to freak people out?


piss me off and I’ll put you on my kid’s school fundraiser mailing lists


I’m sorry son, but autocorrect keeps changing your name to Marty. That’s your new name now, there’s nothing we can do about it.


A guy just tried to hold an automatic door open for me.

It’s possible my dress is too short.


Why would you ask me for directions?

You just saw me walk into a closed door.


I want to surprise my boyfriend by sending him a sexy pic while he’s at work, but I can’t decide what outfit to put on the cat.


Whichever marketing genius created the “Kim Kardashian Kollection” must not know much about history or acronyms.


Why put it in my calendar when I can just wait until someone texts me “Where the hell are you?”