I got sent out of class today at school. The teacher yelled at me, “What would your parents say if I called them?’ I replied, “Hello?”
Someone accused me of spending too much time on the Internet. I don’t know what to say. I am so full of emoticons right now.
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nothing makes me happier than searching “colon” on twitter and seeing all the people who have misspelled cologne…
I don’t use my hands when I change my tampon. I just sing a jaunty tune and the Disney birds come in and begrudgingly do it for me.
[me b4 going to doc office]
-200 degree fever
-can’t breathe w/o going into cardiac arrest
-leave a trail of slime everywhere like a slug
[the second i get to doc office]
-best health of my life
-so healthy they rename health after me
-honorary doctorate from health university
I watched someone eat an unpeeled cucumber like an apple today. No, no, it’s even weirder than you imagine.
“What’s up, doc?” says Bugs Bunny. “Not you,” laughs the doctor. “Take these little blue pills.”
*Looney Tunes music plays*
over 7 billion people in this world and u think I’m gonna chase someone who doesn’t even want me? hahaha
that’s exactly what I’m gonna do
livin la vida broka
Accidentally played dad instead of dead when I encountered a bear and now it can ride a bike without training wheels.
richard dawkins got owned again. when will this man learn