@Beatonm5

someone explain to me 72 hour protection deodorants and antiperspirants.
If you bathe everyday, that like defeats the whole purpose right??

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@Loli_Sug

Schools should teach kids how to balance a checkbook & basic car maintenance & how to hide a drinking problem. Regular life stuff ya know.

@causticbob

If you’re using public transport never give up your seat to an old lady…
That’s how I lost my job as a bus driver.

@QuiteQuietOne

Thanks to yesterday’s chili, I can definitively tell you that there are 242 tiles in this bathroom stall.

@bartandsoul

Still cleaning up glitter from my 5yo’s school project.

She turns 15 on Sunday.

@whereami18

A woman just asked me to “unpark her car” and now I’m searching urban dictionary to see what I really just agreed to do

@samelpan

I can tell if someone’s hot by looking at them

@NoogsCorner

Women always complain about periods. Talk to me when ovaries become supersensitive, hang in a thin sac and you accidentally sit on them.

@TheAlexNevil

Treat her like a princess & she’ll love you forever.
Unless she’s an actual princess. Then she’ll just think “I’m being treated normally.”

@TheRealDudish

The dog was pooping and before he finished a woman approached me and asked “Are you going to pick this up?” I picked it up and replied to her “I have no choice, this is my food”, and I walked away.

@nappydolemite

Her: “If you can’t handle me at my-”

Me: “I’m going to stop you right there. I can’t. It’s fine.”