Sir, we’re going to have to ask you to leave.
*mouthful of like 20 grapes *
“That lady took one too!!”
Someone on my FB posted a snap that said “I’m boared”
And I’m just like…….
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I’m not allowed to watch Hoarders anymore because people say “let it go” too often and then I can’t stop singing it, an autobiography.
I need to go shopping for a new outfit. Anyone know who sells sizes OMFG and WTF happened?
They need to make a dating App. For couples who have that “3rd wheel” best friend.
It would be like a 3rd party Tinder with 2 References.
absolutely despicable that gingerbread men are forced to live in houses made of their own flesh
If I was a Quidditch player I’d be the Seeker, because I’m really, really good at doing basically nothing until the very end of something.
As your personal mortician, instead of making you look beautiful I will make people fear you.
Sorry I ruined your surprise party by telling everyone it was an intervention
I picked my nephew up from school & I asked him “how was school?” This boy gonna say “Why you ask me that everytime you see me, you never went to school?”
If you date a guy long enough he’ll start to sound like your dad when you were in junior high:
“Have fun! Be safe! Call me when you get there! Don’t talk to boys!”