Your lips say no, but your eyes say- oh shit she’s calling the cops!
Sometimes at the gym I’ll struggle and make all kinds of awkward grunting sounds, but eventually I’ll get my shorts on.
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We get ground beef from cows and sky beef from birds
Still not stuck on a deserted island, and beginning to lose hope
I love Yahoo Answers because no matter how bizarre my question, someone in the world has already thought of it. And thats really comforting.
Had a girl say “I want you to treat me like a virgin” So I sacrificed her to a tiki god and threw her in a volcano.
Her: what was that about?
Me: I read somewhere if a bear comes too close you should piss yourself to ward him off
Her: at the zoo tho?
Millennial cop dramas are incredibly tough to write. Since we can’t afford to retire, nobody is ever 2 days away from retirement when they stumble upon The Big Case
me: the heart wants what the heart wants
heart: please stop drin-
me: whiskey it is
I always write “boing” in the memo section of my checks, so all parties involved know how this is gonna go.
My husband asked me to do something creative in the bedroom, so I positioned my three dogs in the shape of a heart and went to sleep.