Sometimes I dance on my bed half naked & sing into my hairbrush…. and other days… I take my medication.

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“I have found our arguments quite useful – almost as useful as those I had with my father.” – Spock and the guy I end up marrying.


I was told that exercise helps with your decision making. It’s true. After going to the gym earlier I’ve decided I’m never going again.


My son just told me he’s changing his clock to military time so he can stay up later. He is not a smart boy.


*slips seductively out of shorts*

You know what that means…

*sleeps soundly for 7 hours*

*drools a little*


me: *gets down on one knee* will you help me make this tree house into a tree home?

girlfriend : *shouts from the ground* I can’t hear you, why can’t I just come up there?

me: no girls allowed


Remember when the biggest problem we faced was Gangnam Style


I like in RPGs when you kill a wild animal and it has, like, $5 and a spoon on it for some reason


[Homeschool field trip to the laundry room]

Kids: Dad, what IS this place?

Me: I have absolutely no idea


*as girl walks in*
98, 99, *grunts* 100
“Wow, push-ups?”
Uhm, no? Just learning to count.