Sometimes I shock myself with smart things I say.
Other times, I struggle to get out of my car with the seatbelt on.
You Might Also Like
I have a special place in my heart. For blood and vessels and stuff.
My mom thought my laptop on the floor was a scale. My mom weighs 800 dollars
teacher: ok, so how would you order a subway footlong in metric countries where they don’t have feet?
me: by crawling to the counter lmao
teacher: again, please get out of my class, or your son gets an F
[Noah from the Bible is doing laundry and his washer just starts spewing water]
DEBORAH GET THE BOAT
professor X: what’s your power?
professor X: wow, me too, you’re in.
*hears a sound*
haha lol wat if its a ghost
*5 hours later*
wwhat if it was a ghost
I assume the Burning Bush was the Bible’s first recorded STD.
me: my engine is making a loud clicking noise and-
mechanic: there’s blood dripping from your trunk
me: so anyway my engine, which is at the *front*–
Today on Facebook:
1) Jen feels betrayed but doesn’t want to talk about it
2) Kim started a prayer circle
3) Lori posted 87 recipes