@SCbchbum: “Son, would you like to go to college some day, or would you like to keep ordering guac? Your choice.”
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@garbagecoven: i couldn't remember the word "counting" so i told my friend to "do the number alphabet."
@huntigula: *Hamburglar returns home with bag of hamburgers* *his wife, holding a crying baby, slaps the bag out of his hands* "WE NEED MONEY, DAMMIT!"
@WoodyLuvsCoffee: "The last thing I want to do is hurt you. First I want to date you & get to know you."