Sony has a site where you can watch The Interview for $5.99 and I can’t think of a single reason not to trust them with my credit card info.
You Might Also Like
Coffee cake.
Just put 2 things I like together, what’s next?
Sex steak?
Zelda was easier as a kid because if you hit a hard puzzle you could just wait a few days for more brain matter to come in but now it’s the opposite, if a puzzle’s hard I have to rush to try and figure it out because I’ll probably be dumber tomorrow
“What kind of dog is this?”
“Well actu..”
“Hes cute”
*pets it*
“Sir thats my..”
*picks it up*
“Your a good dog arent you?”
“PUT MY SON DOWN”
[train]
GUY: Please take my seat.
ME: *adjusts pillow in my top to feign pregnancy* Thank you.
GUY: How far along are you?
ME: 5 stops.
Chicken Doctor: *strutting in* I’m afraid he has passed.
Chicken Widow: BUT WHY
Chicken Doctor: To get to the other side.
Me: I wish Inigo Montoya appeared everytime “literally” is misused and did his “You keep saying that word“ bit
Genie: That ones on the house
BOSS: Can we meet in 20 minutes?
ME: Can it wait until tomorrow?
BOSS: Sure. Busy day?
ME: (pauses video of a dog playing in crunchy leaves) Yes.
I think my nephew finally figured out that there’s no chameleon in this cage & that his Xmas present is a cage.
People who bite popsicles, where are the bodies hidden?
*first date*
Yep. I like all the things.*fourth date*
And that, Sandra, is why I would not hesitate to kick a pigeon.
I love my wife dearly, but she just used the word “whatevs” for the first time, so 17 years. It’s been a good run.
My girlfriend sat up in bed at 3am and yelled “they’ll never find his body” and then giggled. So no sleeping ever again i guess.
roses are red
violets are blue
i hate the sounds
you make when you chew
Radiohead fans, this is for you.
My pre-nup will indicate that I’m allowed to unplug your life support system should my phone need charging.
one time i slam dunked a basketball so good we were out of school for a week people just needed time to process
Cause of death: Trying to draw eyebrows on the neighbor’s cat.
This is probably a controversial take but I think the sanitation worker responsible for garbage collection on Sesame Street should be fired.
The pipes burst at my best friend’s house and I accidentally told someone his water broke
I once dated a woman that said I used to much garlic and I got rid of that vampire right quick
*Robber runs into Chipotle*
GIMME THE MONEY IN THE REGISTER
“Is this for here or to go?”
Uh. To go
“Do you want guac?”
Sure
“It’s extra”
Me: I told you to pick up your clothes off the floor.
11-year-old: I did.
Me: They’re still on the floor.
11: Those are new clothes. I picked up the old ones
[Subway]
ME: i’ll have a footlong meatball sub on Italian herb & cheese thanks
SUBWAY: *train noises*
I once accidentally joined a cult because I zoned out mid-conversation and just kept saying “yeah, of course” every few minutes.
Why do people knock on a locked public restroom door? And what is the person inside to say? “who is it?”
DATE: So tell me something about yourself
ME: I like to call frozen burgers ‘brrrgers’
HER: I need to see other people
Nobody’s abs are good enough to convince anyone to move to Iowa.
On a scale of corn to manycorn how impressed are you by my new corn-based number system
Date: What are you thinking about?
Me *wondering whether the guy in charge of ostriches calls himself the bosstrich* I was wondering whether the guy in charge of ostriches calls himself the bosstrich
Beware of the “party goblin”…