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@IntoxicaTweeted: I shower with a suicide note in case I slip and die, at least I can make it look intentional instead of stupid.
@parhwy: "I want u so badly" - Scrabble players with a q in their rack.
@pattymo: After every one of Benedict Cumberbatch's lines in DR. STRANGE, turn to your neighbor & say "I guess that's why they call him Dr. Strange"
@_GPL_: Doctor: How's your headache?
Patient: She's out of town.
@Ygrene: [being murdered by cows]
more like (finger quotes) "moodered" amirite
[the other farm animals immediately join in, even some corn is mad]