Sorry folks but there’s only 2 genders: human and dancer

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[alternate universe where jesus christ’s name was jeffy spaghetti]

ME: *hears some horrible news* jeffy spaghetti


The cable company told me they would send a guy out and I need to be home between the hours of 1pm and 2014.


Word find for ghosts:

O o O o O o O o O o O
o O o O o O o O o O o
O o O o O o O o O o O
o O o O o O o O o O o
O o O o O o O o O o O
o O o O o O o O o O o


[first date]
*sees he owns a cat*
Him: Are you a cat or a dog person?
*maintains eye contact*
*pushes cat off the table*


Here’s a video of a guy putting a camera on a sushi conveyer belt. It’s wonderful. Every table has a little story!


me: i love sleepovers

doctor: this isn’t a sleepover, you’re in the hospital

me: then why do I have this nightgown

doctor: that’s a hospital gown

me: truth or dare



doctor: dare


My kids trying to pick up the name brand hamburger buns like they think we are millionaires or something


Death be not proud. Death not so great with words, but happy to go out with any girl you want fix Death up with.