@Bluestmoon_: Sorry I asked "why?" when you told me your baby's name.
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@liliths_lair: The real reason women will never be the ones to propose: As soon as she gets on her knees, he will start unzipping his pants.
@ThugRaccoons: Me: What do you call a tailor that only alters pants? A slacker. Cop: Please exercise your right to remain silent.
@shkeeber: Mom: Where're you going? Me: To dinner with my friends! Mom: Your friends? Me: I'm going to use McDonalds' free Wifi to get on twitter...